It’s a rough business.
Not too long ago, I made a workbook. I was seeing ideas roaming around Pinterest, and wanted to try it out for myself. However, I can’t make it for myself. I already know all of the spoilers and what to do. It wouldn’t be as fun to complete as it was to make. So I sent it to a good friend.
While I was making this, however, I was in the middle of a very stressful time. After sending her the workbook, I was FaceTime-ing her about our troubles. That’s when she said, “Do me a favor: don’t make me anything else.”
Now, this caught me off-guard, in the heart, in the throat. I’m a creative person, so I love making things for others plenty. Depending on our friendship depends on quality and quantity (if that makes sense; I didn’t know how else to explain it). My mom probably has boxes upon boxes of stuff I’ve made. She still uses some of the stuff, too, including the toolbox I made her in woodshop class a decade ago. For this friend, I’ve made another book and have done some art.
But after she told me that, I looked back into my head and asked myself, ‘do I do too much for my friends?’
Honestly, I think so. And I might know why.
Due to my own insecurities and my persona unhappiness, I want so bad for my friends to be happy. I don’t want them to feel down, because I know how shitty ‘down’ is. So I do what I can for them. My time, effort, and gifts. I do it for others, very rarely for myself.
But I love doing it.
It give me an excuse to be creative, and/or it makes others feel special. Which is important to me.
I also have the inability to say ‘no’…but we don’t dwell on that. At least not now.
So, what to do?
I think my first step is not to stop creating, but rather to create for myself. Learn to say ‘no’ and make yourself feel special.
We have a lot to learn.
Hugs
Alexandra
Alexandra TG 