Outfit Conscious

Full disclosure, I almost titled this post ‘I’m Ugly in Everything I Wear’. Because it’s true.

So, I don’t know about you, but I like to plan outfits. Style is so cool (fashion is obsolete, but that’s a different post), and I like to show it off. However I plan, it doesn’t work out.

I’ll sketch out outfits, put them together, and try them on.

And immediately take them off.

Because I looked ugly in them.

It’s not the outfits. The outfits are great, and on a non-ugly person they’d look super stylish. It’s just me. It’s my personal battle with how I look.

Now, I can hear all of my friends who see this post respond ‘You’re not ugly! You’re awesome! You’re bleh bleh bleh!’ And whatever. I realize, outwardly, that I’m not hideous. I’ve got features that others would deem pretty. I could actually probably pull off the outfits I sketch out. Or some of them will respond with ‘It’s not your looks that matter, it’s your personality! Who cares what you look like; you’re a beautiful person inside!’

But that’s not the point I’m trying to make.

Inwardly, I think I’m ugly. I’ll recognize to others features that I might like day to day, like my eyes or my hair. But overall, I don’t like how I look. So anything I put on myself makes me look ugly. It could be a gown, designed by Marc Jacobs, worn by Aishwarya Rai, and I could still stare at the mirror: “Ew.”

However, with all that said, I do try to help myself. I work out, I go to therapy, I’m trying to better myself. And while I still think I’m ugly, I’m not going to wallow. I’m going to try to help myself.

And that’s what I want to send to you. First of all, that you’re beautiful. Whatever is happening inside is your personal battle, but I need to let you know that outside your brain, from where I am, you are beautiful and lovely and handsome. Second of all, that I hope you can help yourself. For whatever you feel inside, that you can realize it about yourself and try to be better.

So, yeah, I think I’m ugly. But maybe I can find a point in my life where I actually feel pretty in my own skin.



P.S. How about some of those outfit sketches (these were done recently in my preparation for packing)


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